Surviving Toxic Family Members This Christmas

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Protect Your Peace From Toxic Family Members This Christmas

The holidays are often painted as a season of warmth and love, yet for many they arrive with a quiet heaviness. Family gatherings can reopen old wounds, especially when the very people we lean on bring up insecurities, stretch our generosity too far, or turn love into unspoken financial demands.

For OFWs and family providers, Christmas can feel less like a celebration and more like a weight to carry. Recognizing toxic family patterns is not selfish. It is a necessary step in protecting our mental health and honoring the sacrifices we continue to make.

Crying Is Not a Sign of Weakness

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“Those who do not weep, do not see.” Victor Hugo, Les Misérables

I have always been someone who cries easily. Whether I am hurt, joyful, or overwhelmed by beauty, my instinct is to let the tears fall, and I always feel lighter afterward.

One childhood memory stands out. My father once told me, “If I could give you my strong heart, I would.” Even as a child, I never believed strength meant hiding your tears. To me, crying has always been an honest expression of what it means to be human.

I cried while watching Wicked 2, especially during “For Good,” because it captured the beauty of connection. I cried when I failed my first thesis defense, and I cried again when I finally passed. The second time, the tears felt like a rainbow after a long storm. That moment reminded me that resilience comes from releasing, not suppressing.

Eldest Sibling Chronicles: The Ultimate Balancing Act

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Being the eldest sibling often feels like carrying the weight of the entire family on your shoulders. As the eldest of three, I know this all too well. From helping my sisters with their assignments to supporting my parents in disciplining my younger sibling or managing the household staff, it often feels like I’m the glue holding everything together. There's an unspoken responsibility to ensure everyone’s well-being.

A beloved family member once told me, “It’s really hard to be the eldest. Sometimes, I wish I could just switch off my brain and let someone else take charge.” And I couldn’t agree more.

Moreover, I can’t imagine the weight my mother carries as the eldest among her siblings. Despite her own responsibilities, she continues to extend emotional and financial support to her family. Her selflessness and resilience are truly admirable, and I often think about her when facing my own challenges.

This sense of responsibility carries over into my work and studies.

Failure often feels like it’s simply not an option. I’ve always aimed high, striving for success at every turn. But reality hit hard when I received a failing mark in school. The feelings of incompetence and disappointment were overwhelming, especially when you’re raised to believe success is the coveted path.

Thankfully, I’m continuously learning to see failure in a new light—not as the opposite of success but as a stepping stone toward it. Even now, though, the drive to stay on top and make the right choices never truly goes away.

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