Surviving Toxic Family Members This Christmas

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Protect Your Peace From Toxic Family Members This Christmas

The holidays are often painted as a season of warmth and love, yet for many they arrive with a quiet heaviness. Family gatherings can reopen old wounds, especially when the very people we lean on bring up insecurities, stretch our generosity too far, or turn love into unspoken financial demands.

For OFWs and family providers, Christmas can feel less like a celebration and more like a weight to carry. Recognizing toxic family patterns is not selfish. It is a necessary step in protecting our mental health and honoring the sacrifices we continue to make.

Eldest Sibling Chronicles: The Ultimate Balancing Act

alfred adler

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Being the eldest sibling often feels like carrying the weight of the entire family on your shoulders. As the eldest of three, I know this all too well. From helping my sisters with their assignments to supporting my parents in disciplining my younger sibling or managing the household staff, it often feels like I’m the glue holding everything together. There's an unspoken responsibility to ensure everyone’s well-being.

A beloved family member once told me, “It’s really hard to be the eldest. Sometimes, I wish I could just switch off my brain and let someone else take charge.” And I couldn’t agree more.

Moreover, I can’t imagine the weight my mother carries as the eldest among her siblings. Despite her own responsibilities, she continues to extend emotional and financial support to her family. Her selflessness and resilience are truly admirable, and I often think about her when facing my own challenges.

This sense of responsibility carries over into my work and studies.

Failure often feels like it’s simply not an option. I’ve always aimed high, striving for success at every turn. But reality hit hard when I received a failing mark in school. The feelings of incompetence and disappointment were overwhelming, especially when you’re raised to believe success is the coveted path.

Thankfully, I’m continuously learning to see failure in a new light—not as the opposite of success but as a stepping stone toward it. Even now, though, the drive to stay on top and make the right choices never truly goes away.

4 Ways To Strengthen Your Mother-Daughter Bond

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Image Credits: pixabay.com  (CC0 Public Domain)
How do I begin to define the mother-daughter relationship? 

I for one think that it's very dynamic and complex.

Its dynamism is due to the natural progression of life. Mothers start out as primary caregivers and role models for their young daughters. Some mothers even wish that their daughters would choose a path that resembles theirs. However, as daughters mature, they become increasingly independent. In their attempts to map out their own identities, daughters often choose paths that are purposefully distinct from their mothers.

I shall explain its complexity with personal sentiments. Sometimes I feel that my mother does not understand me nor do I understand her. Other times I feel that it is only us against the world. Like any other relationships, we have our lows and our highs. But no matter what, I know that she will always be there for me as I am there for her. 

If you value building a loving, healthy, and strong bond with your mother as much as I do, consider this simple list as a guide.

Social Psychology: Why Do Mistresses Exist?

attraction

By: Anna Agoncillo
Image Credits: pixabay.com (CC0 Public Domain)
As much as people despise the "other woman" or the "other man", they are there for a reason. History suggests that powerful men tend to gather great numbers of women and as we all know, history can repeat itself. Modern times cannot escape the existence of mistresses.
Let me start by discussing why married men are deemed to be attractive by some. 

1. MATE POACHING

 In the game of love, does the statement: "Monkey see, Monkey do" apply?

 Well, it just may. 

 A study found that people take cues from others on deciding who is attractive. For instance, the findings showed that women who are single were more attracted to the photographs of men who were said to be "in a relationship". 

Stress Management: 9 Tips to Conquer your Inner Beast

attention
By: Anna Agoncillo

The daily hustles and bustles in a face-paced city made me realize how stressful life can be. Stress, when not managed, can be detrimental to one’s health. So, here are some ways to conquer your inner beast, and live healthily:

1. SLOW DOWN, BREATHE AND RELAX.
(c) Sreehariayurveda
Whenever you feel like you're going to burst, calm yourself down. Breathe in and out, hold your breath for a while, breathe slowly and repeat. A higher form of this practice is called meditation. Personally, yoga and meditation help me regulate my emotions better.

Loss, Grief, and Coping: Rest in Paradise

annie agoncillo
By: Anna Agoncillo
They say that first cut is the deepest, but the second one feels as deep. My grandfather died last year, and now my grandmother who was battling Lung Cancer is gone.

Theoretical Basis of Bereavement

You might be familiar with the Kübler-Ross's 5 stages of grief. According to this model, we go through different stages during our bereavement namely: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance (Santrock, 2007). Although there are specific stages, the sequence is not fixed (Axelrod, 2006). Nonetheless, the end result is peaceful acceptance.

On the other hand, George Bonanno argues that there are no stages to go through because of our natural reaction to grief, called resilience (Bonanno, 2004).
Hold on! She's on her way to Paradise.

They say that first cut is the deepest, but the second one feels as deep. My grandfather died last year, and now my grandmother who was battling Lung Cancer is gone.

At first, I was in denial. When my mom told me about my grandmother’s passing, I didn’t even cry. I just told her to be strong and that I’m glad that she’s in a better place now. But, I felt the heaviness in my chest.

I thought I was emotionally strong because I was mentally prepared for the worst. You see, the doctors had given her 4 days to live.

As I was telling my friends about the big news, my tears rushed down. It’s reality hitting me in the head. She’s gone. I can no longer taste the food she cooks, nor can I hear her say she loves me.

Family, Evolutionary and Developmental Psychology: A Mother's Race

annie agoncillo
By Anna Agoncillo

This story is about how my mother gave me the greatest birthday present of all, it’s much bigger than P16,000 worth of Nike Gift Certificates...

 Mothers: Evolutionary and Developmental perspective

 Evolution predisposed mothers to be highly sensitive in attending to their infant’s needs (Hrdy, 1999). Furthermore, mothers spend time with their children more than their fathers do (Bianchi, 2000). 
One indication that a behaviour is evolutionary is when it is also evident in the animal kingdom (where learning complexities and higher form of cognition are limited).

 Here is a great example:
"During their hibernation, momma bears of various species lose as much as half of their body weight while their nursing cubs grow rapidly off of their milk (Bored Panda, 2014)."

 More often than not, mothers devote their time to caregiving (e.g., feeding food, changing diapers) whilst fathers spend their time playing with the children (Sigelman & Rider, 2012).Yet, studies show that fathers are able to adapt the “motherlike” role if they are primarily responsible for their child (Phares, 1999).

 I couldn't agree more. I'm very blessed to have a mother that is supportive and affectionate.

 When maternal instinct kicks in... 

 I never thought that after 6 years, I will have an opportunity to share this inspiring story.  

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