Why Is It So Hard To Trust?
July 14, 2019Click the title to read more. Visit Ask Anna Page to find out how to ask!
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Generally speaking, trust is the firm belief on someone or something. You may also attach "vulnerability" to the act of trust. Vulnerability in terms of showing someone's unwavering strengths and hidden weaknesses. It is so interesting to see how a single word carries a different weight from one person to another. What's more? There are two types of trust according to the Social Psychologists.
THE TWO POLES
When it comes to the game of love, there is a reason why your closest friends advice you to think with your head and not with your heart. You see, these divisions have roots in the way we trust others. Social Psychology states that the two types of trust are Cognitive and Affective Trust.
As the name suggests, Cognitive Trust is based on one's existing knowledge and exposure to evidence. This is also called as "trusting with your head". On the other hand, Affective Trust exists due to the emotional ties we build with others. It is the confidence we place on others based on our intersections with them.
ITS PSYCHOLOGICAL ORIGIN
Several renowned Developmental Psychologists studied how trust first develops in children. These scholars include Erik Erikson, John Bowlby, and D.W. Winnicott. Each wrote about the origins of trust and how it played a part as the child grows up.
Among these proponents, Erikson's Psychosocial Stages stood out. According to him, infants develop the fundamental trust when they have successfully resolved the first psychosocial crisis or opportunity in life. I am referring to the conflict between Trust and Mistrust. Being raised by adults who consistently respond to the one's needs increases the level of trust felt by the infant within the first year. Higher levels of trust in children are closely related to secure attachment patterns in adulthood.
In contrast, numerous aversive childhood experiences that contribute to children’s mistrust or lack of confidence. For instance, the adults in his or her life may be inconsistent in delivering promises or responses. Do not get me started with neglect! This level of mistrust can be spilled over to adulthood.
SELF-PRESERVATION
Adults with trust issues often act the way they do to preserve themselves or to spare their own feelings. Mistrust and suspicions are strongly influenced by their inner voices. Said inner voice is part of the defense mechanism we build as children.
Now, it is difficult to battle with an inner voice who has been antagonistic ever since. The critical inner voice is the culprit that triggers trust issues in these people's closest relationships.
DECEPTION
Another reason why trust is too hard to give is because of the presence of deception.
I cannot stress how important trust is in any intimate relationship. Strong relationships such as the ones built in matrimony should be founded by honesty and openness. Trust is the glue that holds the relationship together because it facilitates confidence in each other as well as a positive emotional connection. Loyalty, affection, and love are influenced by mutual trust. In fact, presence of Oxytocin can be observed in happy couples whose relationships are glued by mutual trust. The same neuropeptide can be seen in the bond between newborns and mothers.
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TRUSTING AGAIN
Trusting someone with your heart is one thing. Trusting a company with your nest is another! It comes as no surprise that finding someone who you can trust with your own house is a challenging task.
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Sources:1 & 2
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