ASK ANNA #3: Why Do I Resort To (Being With) Girls For My Happiness

January 15, 2015

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WHY DO I RESORT TO (BEING WITH) GIRLS FOR MY HAPPINESS
Image Credits: Spirit-Fire via Flickr
Magneto asks…

I had a girlfriend, she was my best friend we broke up, and I'm not entirely sure of what really happened why we broke up.

We were so happy together…she was the longest and happiest relationship I've ever been in. So, right after the break up I didn't want to be depressed because it would suck, so what I did was I've been with a lot of girls jumping from one relationship to the other trying to make myself happy.

My question is: WHY DO I RESORT TO GIRLS TO BE HAPPY? I'm not really proud of the things I've done lately...it's stupid. It's obvious that I haven't really moved on. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt anybody else anymore but I don't want to be depressed either. I want to forget things…I want to move on but I can't. 

Anna says… 

Resorting for girls (flings or meaningless relationships) for happiness may be a strategy you learned since young. It has become your coping mechanism to hide your feelings and has helped you (or so you believe) to move on. But, it really doesn't. 

You want to mask your emotions from others and yourself because you're scared. What are you scared of? Of getting hurt? What's wrong with being depressed? Is it sissy? Who told you being depressed sucks?

Well, depression isn't sissy and you will always get hurt. It's part of loving and sharing yourself to another person. The thing is, it's hard to move on if you don't fully let go of your emotions. What you usually do is a common form of coping called avoidance. Instead of treating the root of the problem and its result (loss or depression), you avoid it! It becomes a vicious cycle because you want the easier way out. 

A good thing here is that…you are aware of your own behavior and you're not proud of it. Hence, you have this willingness to change for good. Healing and forgetting takes time. Allow yourself to experience your emotions at the present moment. I'm not saying you dwell on it but it helps to let it go and talk about it! There are other healthier ways to move on, contemplate. Seek support from your friends and family.


Click here to read the previous post: Biopsychology: Is Self-Efficacy Inborn? 

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