ASK ANNA #4: Saying Sorry Too Much

February 17, 2015

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SAYING SORRY TOO MUCH
Image Credits: butupa via Flickr

Mr. Krabs asks…

I always say sorry even though I didn't do anything wrong. To the person I bump, to the sales lady if I'm asking for another size I didn't see. I made it an expression. Am i too insecure? Help me anna!

Anna says...

Yes! Your constant need to say sorry may be rooted from different things such as low self-esteem, higher sense of guilt, overly strict parents, inferiority complex from childhood, or internal locus of control. 

It is certainly good to say sorry…if it is necessary. However, if there is no valid reason to be sorry then it may affect your everyday relationships. For instance, in business, your clients need to feel that you have good judgement. But, constantly apologizing doesn't send that message. 

So, here are my tips to conquer that "sorry habit":

1. AWARENESS

Be aware of how many times you've said sorry in a day and what event triggered it. There will be times when saying “I’m sorry” is appropriate, but shall not be on a regular basis.

2. ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR POWER

Give yourself permission to stop apologizing too much. You have a right to do and say what you wish, as long as you do so respectfully. No need to apologize for acting, and being yourself.


3. REPLACE "I AM SORRY" WITH "EXCUSE ME"

In scenarios where "I am sorry" is unnecessary, use "Excuse me" instead. You don't need to say sorry when you're not responsible.

4. REALIZE YOUR WORTH

According to Mike Robbins, the author of "Focus on the Good Stuff", constantly apologizing makes you focus on your negative aspects of yourself. Furthermore, it makes you seek for the continuous approval from others. Don't devalue yourself because of your perceived flaws and imperfections. You are amazingly made. 

5. STOP THE HABIT BY AUTHENTICITY

When you say “I am sorry” too much, it loses its meaning. Save it for when you really need it because you hurt someone’s feelings or because of sympathizing with loss.


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