5 Love Languages: How To Build Loving Relationships In Just 4 Steps

February 24, 2015

By: Anna Agoncillo
Image Credits: Kelley Boone via Flickr
One of the common reasons why two people break up is because one takes the other for granted. Naturally born as social beings, we all have a need to be loved and feel loved. Once your partner does not fill our "emotional tank" you may feel ignored, lonely, and upset. This is why it is important to communicate through each others language of love.

Dr. Gary Chapman, the renowned author of the "5 Love Languages", highlights that there are 5 ways that we can communicate love namely: through words of affirmation, receiving gifts, quality time, acts of service, or physical touch

Even though you are with someone, it does not mean that love is present. You  may just be in the relationship because you are forced by circumstance or you invested so much in it that you don't want to leave. But if you find that person that truly makes you happy, motivated, and encouraged then take the extra effort to build a loving relationship that lasts.

In order for that to happen, you must follow these 4 steps:


A. Words of Affirmation

For people who have "words of affirmation" as their love language, they value sweet and encouraging words. To them, whispering "I love you" or "You are very special" brings more happiness than any expensive give that you can buy. On the other hand, they will feel unappreciated if you don't verbally convey your emotions or if you don't commend them for their accomplishments.

B. Receiving Gifts

For some people, receiving gifts make them feel most loved. Although this does not mean that they are materialistic but they appreciate the thought behind every gift. They have special fondness for special occasions such as weddings, birthdays, and anniversaries. Forgetting the special dates and not showing you care can be a big deal to these people.

C. Quality Time

For this people, they find the greatest gesture of love in spending undivided attention with the ones they love no matter where you two are. Thus, any sort of distraction, cancellation or failure to listen can make them feel hurt or unloved.

D. Acts of Service

For some people, actions speak louder than words. To make your partner with this love language feel loved, help him or her the household chores, or anything that will ease their burden. Laziness, broken commitments, and creating more work for them indicates that their feelings don't matter. 

E. Physical Touch

Lastly, people who have physical touch as their love language value any kind of appropriate gestures such as hugs, pats on the back, and holding hands. So, if your partner speaks this language, it is important to appreciate them through your touch. Physical touch fosters a sense of security and care in any relationship. Neglect or abuse can be unforgivable for this people.


Go to www.5lovelanguages.com/profile to answer a simple questionnaire that uncovers your key love languages. It will help you realize how you appreciate your partner's or your friend's love.


As I said, when your relationships fail, it is often due to difficulty or miscommunication of love languages. Learn your partner's love language by making him complete the test honestly or by studying his behavior. 

Image Credits: Samuel Hearn via Flickr
Studies showed that we are more drawn to the people who speak a different love language than use. So, use this knowledge to understand and work through your differences.


Making a conscious effort to speak your loved one's love language enables you to communicated better and make him or her feel loved more efficiently. With the continued practice of communicating each other's love language, a happy and loving relationship will solidify.

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